This Sesshomaru's Rin
by Koalaberry
Summary: HIATUS Sesshomaru can't sleep one night, so he decides to tell Rin how he feels about her. Fluff warning. Rated for slight use of language. SessRin
1. POV Sesshomaru

This Sesshomaru's Rin

Chapter 1

I can't sleep tonite, Rin. I've been so confused lately that it's hard to think straight. So I thought I'd get this out of my system, in the hopes that I'll be able to clear my mind. I hope you aren't angry that I woke you.

I don't know how to say this to you, Rin. I've rehearsed it a thousand times over, but though I've given it considerable thought, nothing that comes to mind seems fitting. I'm not so good with words, but I'll trust my instinct and hope I don't mess this up.

How you make me feel, I can't quite describe, Rin. But every time I hear you laugh, I want to laugh with you. Whenever I see you smile, I can't help but smile back, though I force myself to hide it so you don't think something's wrong with me. Seeing you playing with the children in the local villages makes me want to learn compassion, so that maybe someday I can make you understand that inside, I'm not really the coldhearted bastard that I seem. The simplest things you do or say can make me happy for weeks on end. Yes, I can be happy. I do have emotions, as you've helped me to realize.

You've grown up right before my eyes, Rin. To a demon, eleven years is nothing, so perhaps that is why it seems so odd that that's all it's taken for the little girl I once knew to be replaced by a stunning young woman. There are times when I'll think about that little girl, and how she cared for me without a single thought, when so many others would have run away in fear or tried to kill me while they had the chance. So many would have left me to die or finished me off right then, but that little girl chose to help me instead. You don't know how much that meant to me. It meant enough to compel me to keep that little girl around, though she was a human child. It meant enough for me to throw my own beliefs aside for the sake of getting to know that human girl more. I can't understand, to this day, why you did that for me, Rin. I was, and still am a monster, a ruthless beast with not a shred of humanity, yet you didn't run from me. No one else has ever been that bold, and it made me feel worth something, and, if only for a moment, it made me feel warm inside, like maybe I didn't have to be a cold shell of a man forever.

Is there anything you fear, Rin? Though you are human, you are braver than any youkai I've ever come across. If you are ever frightened, Rin, you hide it well, for not even I can smell the faintest scent of fear on you. You take on anything that gets in your way as if it were nothing. You are strong, Rin. My training has done you well, but that is nothing in comparison to what you've made yourself on your own. No matter how hopeless a situation, you always seem to see a way to make it better, and you do, because you aren't afraid of what may happen if you fail. Since you don't dwell on fear, you find no reason to. Your determination astounds me. There is no obstacle you will allow yourself to fall to; I have seen that over the years. You refuse to let your humanity bind you to any set of limits and rules. You live to break them all and to replace them with your own. You have confidence, and with reason. You can take on the world if you want to. You are free. You are wild, yet perfectly composed. You're immovable in your opinions, and you stick well to what you believe. You are the most courageous person I've ever met, Rin. You have no idea how much I admire you for that.

You're beautiful, Rin. Even when you were small it was obvious you would be; you were a pretty child. But now, you are gorgeous. You blind me, Rin. Whenever you walk into a room, I can see nothing but you, my Rin, and how fiercely stunning you've become. Your silky brown hair, dazzling chocolate eyes, perfect feminine figure, your soft laugh and gentle smile, there is no way you be anything but beautiful.

Always, Rin, I've been alone, and I've liked it that way. But now that I know you, I couldn't bear to go back to the way I was before; leaving you would break me. You're everything a man could want, Rin. You're perfect in every way imaginable. I'm beginning to understand what my father went through when he met Inuyasha's mother, and how Inuyasha in turn could fall for not one but two human women. I'm sure by now you understand what I'm trying to say, Rin. And yes, though it goes completely against what a man like myself typically stands for, I've taken a lesson from you, Rin. I'm willing to break all the rules, because you are right: I love you. There is no other way to describe it, Rin, but that I've fallen for you with everything I am, and though you are a human, I find that it doesn't bother me a bit. I know a demon like myself could never deserve an angel like you, but I need to ask you anyway, just to make sure.

"Will you be this Sesshomaru's Rin?"

End

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	2. POV Rin

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This Sesshomaru's Rin

Chapter 2: This Rin's Sesshomaru

Little do you know I've been having many sleepless nights myself, Sesshomaru-sama. I've been worrying about you. You've seemed so restless and uncomfortable lately. A lot of the time, whenever you start to say something, you stop, as if you're afraid that what you were going to say wouldn't sound right. You've been acting so withdrawn and self-conscious that it scares me. I don't want you to turn yourself into the merciless monster so many see you as.

Let me tell you something, Sesshomaru-sama: what they say, it isn't true. Whether you know it or not, I can see right through your icy façade, and I know that underneath that frigid pretense, you're really as kind and caring as a man can be. Why else would you have given me my life back, hmm? Surely it would have been no gain for you to rescue a helpless human child, so why did you do it?

Because I know that somewhere inside you, though you may try to hide it, there's compassion and understanding, and one of these days, you won't be able to cover it up anymore.

Why do you do this, Sesshomaru-sama? It certainly must be difficult, balancing your duties as Lord of the Western Lands with caring for Jaken and I, along with your other faithful servants. Sure, I can take care of myself, as you know, but yet you continue to protect me and provide for me as if you enjoy it, when so many others would have thrown me out on the street and told me to start a life of my own and get out of theirs. Though I try not to ask for more than is necessary, you seem to know everything I want, and I always get it. Except for one thing, of course.

You ask why that little girl helped you, Sesshomaru-sama. To be honest with you, even back then I could sense something about you, like a little lost puppy that only wanted someone to be there for them. You seemed so lonely, yet lying there in your sleep, you looked so peaceful, as if you hadn't a care in the world. I understood what it was like to have no one, but I never could have imagined someone could be so nonchalant about it as you. You intrigued me, Sesshomaru-sama. I could tell we were different in many ways, yet I felt a connection with you, as if in our solitude we could be together. You were alone, and I wanted to be the person that changed that. To this day, my most fervent wish is to one day make you happy, so that finally you will experience the feeling of having someone who cares. It's true that many would have abandoned you, but I wasn't afraid to stay with you, and I remain to this day living solely to try and coax you out of your shell.

How could I fear someone so beautiful? Indeed, you had, and still have, an ethereal quality to you, Sesshomaru-sama, a kind of otherworldly appeal that is without parallel. It might frighten others away, but in my opinion your demon heritage makes you utterly sexy, as embarrassing as it may be to say. I love the way your amber eyes can tell me everything about you, even if nothing else will give you away. I'll confess, I've always wondered what you look like under all that armor, Sesshomaru-sama. Though I can't find out for sure, judging by your extraordinary strength, I think I have a pretty good assumption, and let me tell you, it's very pleasing to the eyes. Also, I for one think it's pretty damn cool when a man has better hair than me, and yours is incredible, like spun silk. There have been many occasions when I've wanted to touch it, but I'm afraid that if I do, the ghostly entity that is my lord will disappear.

You confuse me, Sesshomaru-sama. Should the mood strike you, you have the ability to take over the entire country while barely breaking a sweat. You could easily use the people's respect for you to manipulate them into catering to your every whim, yet you choose to allow them their freedom and leave them to their lives. So much power, so much influence…but you keep it to yourself, only using it when necessary. I commend you for that, Sesshomaru-sama.

You may wonder, Sesshomaru-sama, what do I desire that you have kept from me? Well, if you really want to know…by hiding behind that frosty mask you have, you deny me a better knowledge of the real Sesshomaru-sama. I can figure a few things out, but how can I be sure of who you are when you refuse us all yourself? All I want is for you to grant me the only thing I truly want. Perhaps that's what you've done this night, and I can only pray that this is no cruel joke.

What I'm trying to say is I love you too, Sesshomaru-sama. I know I am only a mere human, nothing special in comparison to what kind of woman you could have if you only chose to accept her. I know I may be a burden to you, and I know I can never be worthy of someone so perfect, but I will accept your offer.

"If you will be this Rin's Sesshomaru."

End Chapter 2.

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